It’s a dangerous possibility for people who feel unable to say no and unwilling to trouble others. The majority of them have low self-esteem, which can lead to mental suppression and, in severe cases, depression or extreme actions.

In life, there are always these lovely people who are willing to do anything for others, almost devoting all their energy to their family and friends.

Refusing others’ requests makes them feel extremely guilty. They would rather suffer themselves to fulfill everyone’s needs, as if they are under a curse. This personality is usually divided into three types: the martyr personality, the people-pleaser personality, and the submissive personality.

The Martyr Personality:

The biggest characteristic of this personality is low self-belief, always relying on others, and caring deeply about external opinions. Any slight negative feedback leads to extreme self-blame. Other people’s needs always outweigh their own.

For example, let’s take a typical older sister in the family who feels responsible for taking care of her younger siblings. Even though it’s her duty, she might not refuse anyone because she’s used to being busy at home. Juggling everything, she may not understand how to say no to unwanted requests, which leads to psychological suppression and long-term self-injury. Their so-called kindness ends up suffocating themselves.

The People-Pleaser Personality:

Sometimes, people-pleasers don’t even realize that they are trying to please others. They may even find happiness in it. When they feel incapable of helping someone due to limited resources, they blame themselves and feel embarrassed to ask for help.

For instance, during high school, there were students from wealthy and financially struggling families. I remember a wealthy student who had a lackey and surprisingly felt proud of it. He believed that just being around the wealthy student, even if it meant running errands and carrying bags, made him happy.

However, unequal relationships are difficult to maintain. Even if you try to please others, they will still see you as a lackey. People-pleasers believe that by being kind, others will naturally be kind to them, but it’s not always the case. How others perceive you depends entirely on yourself. “If you blossom, the butterflies will come.”

The Submissive Personality:

These individuals habitually prioritize others’ needs over their own, always taking responsibility for everything, even if it’s not their fault. Over time, others will see you as weak and pitiful, even when they are in the wrong.

For example, a new colleague at work always goes out of his way to help others without considering his own needs. He even complains about his colleagues on social media but then deletes the posts.

Internally, he is unhappy but suppresses his feelings. Once people notice that you have no boundaries or principles, they will unconsciously take advantage of you, making it a habit to trouble you.

Don’t be afraid to refuse others and think that rejecting them will make them unhappy or devalue you. Your worth depends on yourself.

Whether it’s feeling embarrassed to refuse others or being unwilling to trouble them, it all stems from insecurity and low self-esteem. The fear of being judged negatively for refusing others and the feeling of being unable to repay someone’s kindness contribute to this.

I once read, “How many times have you agreed without hesitation when someone asked for a small favor? How many times have you refused? How many times have you regretted refusing others’ requests?”

Sometimes, due to our personalities, we agree without hesitation and regret it later. Your kindness may be seen as foolish by others. So, give it a try!

Try refusing others. With each refusal, it will take less courage the next time, and eventually, you’ll follow your heart. Don’t let negative emotions build up inside you because, in the long run, it will only lead to hurting yourself and those who truly love you.