Feng Zikai said:

“Don’t be troubled by your heart, don’t be distressed by emotions, don’t fear the future, and don’t dwell on the past. That’s how you can be at peace.”

But when we’re young, we don’t understand this principle. It’s only when we’re old that we finally realize it.

Young people always get worked up about something, and I’d exhaust myself for someone…

Sometimes, we even do things that go against our hearts just to fit in, but in the end, it’s all just a waste of time.

Why is it that when people get old, they become more benevolent? Why is it that when people get old, they learn to silently endure everything?

It’s because time has taught us many lessons, and at the same time, it has also taught us:

Not fitting in is the best way to live a long life.

My grandfather is over 90 years old now. When he was young, he was a very impressive person. He traveled all over, did many things, and attended various activities, making many friends.

However, when he turned 90, he learned to stay at home, and even when old friends came to invite him out, he wouldn’t budge.

One time, my mom told him:

“Why don’t you go out and socialize with them? You’ve lived a whole life, and it’s not easy to meet up with friends now…”

Grandfather would always respond:

“Not fitting in is the best way to live a long life. I want to live to be 100!”

Then, Grandfather would walk away, his white hair blowing in the wind. In that moment, I saw the passage of time, but I also saw Grandfather’s lovable side.

Nietzsche said:

“When you know why you’re living, you can endure any kind of life.”

When you reach a certain age, you realize that living for yourself is the most important thing, so you can also endure loneliness.

Maybe when you’re young, you go out and work, or hang out with friends, which is a very happy thing. But when you reach a certain age, you realize that keeping a quiet heart is the most precious thing.

When you know why you’re living, you can endure loneliness, even when there’s no one around.

One time, I visited an old man’s home, and I played with the kids there. The old man saw us having so much fun and started telling us about his past.

Later, he told us:

“When you’re 90, you’ll try to accept loneliness, and even like being alone, just like me…”

The old man said that not fitting in is the key to living a long life. When you’re with others, you’ll think a lot, but when you’re alone, you’ll feel good because your heart will be at peace.

You won’t do things just to please others, and you won’t change your ways because of others’ dissatisfaction. You’ll feel most comfortable doing things on your own.

Maybe when the old man saw us kids, he thought back to his own youth, when he also liked to socialize and be part of the crowd. But now, at 90, he’s lost that desire.

At every stage of life, people have their own things they want to do. When you’re old, you’ll realize that keeping a happy heart is the most important thing. If there’s nothing going on, you won’t think about going out.

Although I don’t live far from this old man, I’ve never seen him go out. I used to think he might not be in good health, but later I realized that he just likes being alone and calls it “retirement.”

When people get old, they lose that competitive spirit, even men. Although men need a sense of conquest when they’re young, they like to conquer their careers and their women. But when they’re old, they realize that none of it matters.

There are some old people who, even at 90, still like to socialize, but such people are rare, and sometimes they’re not even reasonable.

People get wiser with age, so if someone is still childish at 90 and causing trouble for others, that person hasn’t grown up.

When someone learns to let go of everything, that’s true success, and it’s the same for old people.

Haruki Murakami said:

“Where will you find someone who likes loneliness? It’s just that they don’t like disappointment.”

If someone doesn’t disappoint you, you’ll always want to get close to them. If a city doesn’t disappoint you, you’ll always want to develop yourself there.

When you’re not disappointed with the world, you’ll be passionate about it and want to meet more people and interact with them.

But when you’ve experienced all this, you’ll realize that reality is not what you thought it was.

“Ideals are perfect, but reality is bony.”

Nothing is as you imagined it would be. All fantasies might just be illusions.

When I was young, I had a neighbor who worked in the military and was a very impressive person. He was very smooth and had a very kind heart.

But after he retired and went back to his hometown, he rarely went out. Occasionally, he’d run into someone on the street.

Someone asked him:

“What’s going on? You used to be so active, but now you rarely go out.”

The 90-year-old man replied:

“I had a hard time when I was young, and now I want to live a long life. Being alone is the best way to grow old.”

Maybe only those who have experienced life will understand. Those who haven’t won’t understand what the old man is saying. The old man said that he had experienced many people and things, including failures and silence, and only then did he realize that being alone is the best.

The old man said:

“When I was young, I was unhappy, and I thought I was sick. I went to the hospital, and the doctor told me to take care of my heart and not to go to crowded places. Old people need to learn to grow old!”

Actually, when you’re old, if you don’t fit in, that’s okay. Sometimes, it’s better not to force things and cause psychological harm. At 90, as long as you’re comfortable, that’s all that matters.

Sanmao said:

“I didn’t take my youth seriously, and when I realized it, I could only take my old age seriously.”

People often realize things too late, and only after experiencing many things can they understand. But by then, they’re already old, and they can only take their old age seriously.

Time goes by, and it’s gone. Maybe this is something everyone should experience, and everyone should grow slowly from their regrets.